Well I’m 27 years old. I’ve been married for 9 years this month. I have two kids 9 and 7. I love animals and have a lot of pets sometimes I love animals more then people I made the mistake of thinking that a big dog would make me feel safer so I ended up with a Doberman puppy that is just a moose and destroys everything in her path. I have been suffering from social anxiety ever since I was a little kid. I had a unusual childhood, I wasn’t physically abused it was just strange. My family did not believe in counseling, you don’t talk about your problems and you don’t share the family secrets. When I was 16 I had a very bad thing happen and as a result I was diagnosed with PTSD. I will hopefully be able to get a lot of that out and be able to stop living in fear sometimes I just sit and think of how unfair it is that someone else got to take away my life from me and I wonder what kind of life they are having. I have since been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, and obsessive compulsive along with the other two that I mentioned before. I did take meds off and on for a while but I have been med free for about 5 years. I don’t want to be on meds but it’s getting to the point I don’t know how much longer I can go on with the way I am. I don’t like the disconnected feeling that the meds give me and yeah it’s easy to not have a problem when your unaware that your even alive. I use to hurt myself when I had a really bad day I wouldn’t cut but I believe it is a disorder along those lines the pain brought a sense of control a release it made me feel better I haven’t hurt myself for about 4 months now and hopefully I will not do it again. I also have a eating disorder when I was younger I would go days sometimes weeks without eating much of anything I felt guilty for every bit of food that I put in my mouth. When I got pregnant with my daughter the doctors would take a test to see if there was enough of certain things in your urine to make sure the babies getting what they need basically, we had to do this weekly, when I failed one week it really hit home that I needed to stop because it was not just me anymore. After my daughter was born I had gained so much weight and was so depressed that I went to the total other extreme of it and I am now a binge eater my eating it totally controlled by my emotions. I have many other issues that haunt me but I will leave those for another post.
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